I was leading a sales training session recently, and one exercise had more of an impact than I expected. I asked the room to role-play the exact words they use in several typical sales conversation scenarios.
Their responses were predictable.
I went on to point out that many of the things they are saying seem fine on the surface, but also convey a more subtle, almost subliminal message to the buyer. They quickly realized that they were often undermining themselves before the meeting even got going, and they had no idea they were doing it.
How many of these statements sound familiar?
When meeting a prospect for the first time: "Thank you so much for taking the time to meet with me."
This is how almost every producer opens a first meeting. It sounds gracious and respectful, but it's a surrender. The sentence subordinates you to the buyer by implying that their time is more valuable than yours.
During your next first meeting, start by saying, "I'm thrilled it worked out for us to get together today."
You're still being warm and respectful, but framing the meeting as the mutually beneficial opportunity it is.
When explaining services: "What we try to do" and "what we like to do"
This shows up constantly when producers describe their service model. "What we try to do is check in quarterly." "What we like to do is review claims data twice a year."
Try and like are soft words that carry no conviction. Prospects hear the softness. You sound like you're describing something you hope happens instead of something that is predictable because of a process.
Be firm and confident about what you will deliver. "We commit to quarterly reviews and full claims transparency." You are now stating what is guaranteed to happen for your clients.
Asking for validation instead of asking for the business
"Does this make sense so far?" "What do you think, is this something you'd consider?" These questions ask the prospect for reassurance that your solution is credible. If you've presented your solution effectively, you both already know it solves their problem. Asking permission after you've made your case signals you're not sure either.
Show confidence in your solution, "This solves the problems we identified. Let's talk about how we get started." You've demonstrated that your confidence is well deserved; say so.
When a prospect has stalled: "I just wanted to check in and see if you had any questions"
Follow-up language deserves the same scrutiny. There are two things wrong with saying or emailing, "Just wanted to check in." "Just" minimizes the reason you're reaching out before the sentence finishes. "Checking in" makes it sound like you're hoping the prospect has time for you, rather than following through on something you said you'd do.
Once again, this is an opportunity to take a position of confidence. "I'm following up because I told you I would. Where do things stand on your end?" This demonstrates that you do what you say you’ll do and that you are in control of the process. This is a much stronger position than being someone hoping to get noticed.
When a prospect won’t give a final answer: "I totally understand, take all the time you need"
In an attempt to show patience, this is an all-too-common response when a prospect can’t or won’t make a final decision. What it shows the buyer is a way out.
Telling a prospect to take all the time they need signals that you don't believe there's an urgent need to solve their problem. Even if you have spent time discussing how quickly a problem needs to be addressed, you just took the wind out of that sail.
Instead, leverage the momentum built to this point. "Help me understand what's holding this up so we can solve it together." Instead of derailing the opportunity, this question reinforces you as a partner working to solve a problem rather than a desperate vendor waiting by the phone.
When competing against larger agencies: "We're a small agency, but we really try to take care of our clients"
Leading with a disclaimer, “small, but...” hijacks the sentence before the value is shared. You've told the prospect to expect less before you've told them what you deliver.
Make a bold and direct claim. "We're built specifically to give clients the kind of attention larger agencies can't." Don’t apologize or make a comparison that diminishes your position. Simply tell them what you do and why it matters.
The unrecognized damage is real
None of these phrases is grammatically wrong. They’re sales crutches picked up from years of trying to sound polite and accommodating. Politeness and subordination are not the same thing. Every time a producer defaults to soft language, they're unintentionally telling the prospect that they're not entirely confident in their own value.
The fix starts with a personal audit. Producers need to listen to their own language the way I asked the participants to during my recent sales training session. I asked them to role-play common sales scenarios out loud and to notice where they were effectively apologizing for taking up space in a conversation they were invited into.
Once you hear it, you can't unhear it. Once replaced, the entire posture of the conversation shifts. You stop selling from beneath the prospect and start meeting them as a peer who has something worth bringing to the table.
That shift alone changes how prospects respond to everything that follows.
Frequently asked questions
What is subordinating language in a sales conversation?
Subordinating language is any phrase that implies the salesperson's time, expertise, or value matters less than the prospect's. Common examples include over-thanking a prospect for their time, using hedge words like "try" or "hope," and asking permission before making a recommendation.
How do I stop using hedge words like "try" and "hope" in sales conversations?
Start by identifying the specific phrases you default to when describing your service model or process, then replace them with commitment language. Instead of "what we try to do," state "what we commit to." The shift from soft to direct language signals conviction rather than uncertainty.
Why does a sales greeting matter so much?
The greeting sets the tone and power dynamic for the entire meeting. Opening with excessive gratitude, like thanking a prospect profusely for their time, can unintentionally position the producer as subordinate before the substantive conversation even begins.
Sponsored ad by our Friendor, j.riley creative. Click above to visit their site.
Content originally published by Q4intelligence
Photo by pressmaster